floating workshop

April 8, 2008

here is my essay for the floating workshop. It’s a shortened version of a serious and life changing even that happened to me last year. I enjoyed writing it so i hope you enjoy reading it. thanks.

essay1

writersquestions

Advertisements

11 Responses to “floating workshop”

  1. stellar said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name: Alex Peer’s name: Sayyeda Ali

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
    Alex’s introduction kind of draws you into wanting to know where the essay is going, exactly. I really wanted to know what was going to happen.

    2.Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    No, Alex meets all the requirements.

    *3.Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    4.To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
    Her peers. Yes, I think its an appropriate subject because underage drinking is so common nowadays. Everyone seems to do it and people need to learn about the consequences.

    5.List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a.

    b.

    *6.What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
    I wasn’t quite sure what the thesis was

    Is the thesis specific enough? No, I wasn’t sure what the thesis was. I understand what she was trying to convey in her essay though. .

    *7.Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay. (each paragraph has to do with the message she’s trying to convey)
    Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
    Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

    *8.Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes, when it comes to the who, what, where, when, why, and how, Alex does a great job in telling us the full story.

    *9.Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a.Are the essay’s facts interesting? Yes
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b.Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    Yes

    c.Is the information understandable to you? Yes

    d.Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10.In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

    *11.Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a.What person or persons were interviewed?
    Alex mentioned her mother, her friends, the cops, her friend’s mother

    b.Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
    They were all a huge part of her experience

    c.What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

    d.Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly? Yes

    12.Does the introduction
    a.Get readers’ attention? YES
    b.Present the thesis? I don’t know
    c.Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
    d.Comments:

    13.Does the conclusion
    a.Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b.Provide something new to think about? YES
    c.Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d.Comments:

  2. april456 said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name Alex Peer’s name Angeline

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

    When first reading the draft I concluded that it was well written and I think that it is a learning experience that all teenagers go through one way or another.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES What do you see as that purpose?

    I think the essay is teaching us, beyond telling us about a life changing event, responsibility, the purpose that I see is that she does not want her readers to stray on the same path she did and learn from her mistakes.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    I think High School students who are in the field of wanting to party and falling into peer pressure.
    This essay can appeal to even parents to show what the consequences are from not being responsible.

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

    This essay is directed towards High School students.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. The way in which she speaks slang in a way

    b. Decision making process that her and her friend went through as first timers in that situation away from home.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
    The thesis is I think, Even though you may think that you are mature enough to handle yourself there are certain situations where you have to make better judgment.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 NO Par. 5 NO
    Par. 2 NO Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8,9,10,11 YES

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
    I wanted to keep reading to see what happened at the party and what happened to her friend. She also foreshadowed in the beginning about how their intentions were totally different then what there parents thought. I found that interesting and wanted to know what exactly there intentions were.

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant? YES

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 11 Why? She skips over the consequences that her friend had at the college I would have liked to hear about the punishment more.

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed? Mom, friends Mom, Friend

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
    It shows how the parents were totally oblivious and then it shows there feelings after the incident.

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
    Yes

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? NO
    b. Present the thesis? No
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b Provide something new to think about? YES
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d. Comments:
    The essay was really good except for just a couple grammatical errors

  3. laceyreichert07 said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name______Alex__________________ Peer’s name________Lacey_______________

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

    I was in awe. The story was really upsetting, but I was glad that her friend as okay.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    (YES) NO What do you see as that purpose?
    To talk about an event that changed her life.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    Anyone who has been in an experience like this, or parents trying to teach their kids a lesson and discourage them from drinking.

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

    Students and parents.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. She talks about her mother warning her and promises her she will behave, but she doesn’t. This is for the parents to show their kids that they should be honest.

    b. How embarrassed she was after the event. She was angry with her friend for having to apologize for her friend’s irresponsible behavior. This shows that events like this will have a negative effect on friendships.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

    The main point is that teens need to be careful and think before they act or they could end up in a similar situation, if not a worse one.

    Is the thesis specific enough? (YES) NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
    Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
    Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
    Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes.

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? (YES) NO SOMEWHAT
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    (YES) NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

    c. Is the information understandable to you? (YES) NO Comment:

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? (YES) NO
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?
    It was a story of her and her friend’s trip to a college.

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
    She is the person informing us and it is appropriate because it is her story.

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
    Yes.

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? (YES) NO
    b. Present the thesis? (YES) NO
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? (YES) NO
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? (YES) NO
    b Provide something new to think about? (YES) NO
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? (YES) NO
    d. Comments:

  4. Mike V said

    When I first read this essay, my reaction was that I felt sorry for you and glad that you and your friend Taylor are fine and back on track with each other. The purpose of your essay is to tell your readers about this learning experience that you had.
    The thesis you have given for this essay is that the experience changed your life and that the readers should drink responsibly. I believe this thesis fits the essay well. The paragraphs of the essay are all relayed to this thesis.
    You wrote that your audience is your peers, especially those that have been in a situation like this. I believe this is a good fit, but your essay may also be interesting to members of anti-drug organizations such as Students Against Destructive Decisions.
    For your introduction, I think it would be better to start with the dialogue that you and Taylor had on the phone because that would get the readers’ attention a little bit better than your current introduction. Other than that, it presents the thesis well and introduces me to your perspective. As for the conclusion, I think it rounds the essay off smoothly and reminds the readers that this was a learning experience for you.

  5. madina01 said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name______Alexandra Mitchell__________________ Peer’s name____Madina Ameerally ______________________

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
    I think it was a well told event that was obviously significant.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES What do you see as that purpose?
    I see the purpose as remembering a past event which was significant to the authors life and significant to a friendship of the author also.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
    I think this essay provides a wide audience, although it would probably be most appropriate for teenagers and college students who are most often faced with that situation.

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

    My answer for this is the same as above and this could pertain to anyone but probably most suited for teenagers and those who are faced with this situation.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. The language that is used and the behavior between the two friends such as the example with the skinny jeans.

    b. The setting and going to visit friends from other campuses is something that other students could relate to.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
    The main point of the essay is the ‘Boston Event’ being a learning experience for the author and her friend.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
    Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

    N/A- not a profile.

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    YES

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 I think they are all pretty detailed and are in totality dense with enough information.

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?
    n/a

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
    n/a

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
    n/a

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
    N/a

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? YES
    b. Present the thesis? YES
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b Provide something new to think about? YES
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d. Comments:

    Questions:
    1. did you find my essay easy to read and did it flow so that you wanted to know what happened next?

    Yes. I think it was interesting and flowed well.

    2. what in the essay could use the most improvement?
    I think the one aspect that could use some work, would be the amount of details and the amount of detail prior to the trip.

    3. was my introduction sufficient? Did it give you an understanding of what was going to happen through out the rest of the essay?

    Yes. I think the information given was definitely enough, and some could even be eliminated.

  6. kbischoff3488 said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name: Alexandra Mitchell Peer’s name: Katelyn E. Bischoff

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

    The story is very relatable, and frightening at the same time, I’m glad nothing else happened to your friend Taylor. It was a test of friendship, but also a reality check. I think it was a good read.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES What do you see as that purpose?

    Reminding other’s of the danger in drinking too much.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    Anyone who has experience with college life, or has gotten in trouble with underage drinking. I really think any teenager could benefit from this.

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
    The essay is targeted to her peers, which I believe is appropriate for the subject.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. She sets the dynamic for their friendship, how it was before and after the incident.

    b. The conversation included really added to it.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

    “I want to relay to my readers that this experience changed my life and altered a friendship; I think that the essay should also give a sense of awareness to drinking responsibly.” Is what she states in the beginning as her main point; it’s a story of growth and reality and limits.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
    YES

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
    Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
    Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
    Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
    Yes.

  7. 121rjd said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name___________Alex_____________ Peer’s name____Rosario__________________

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

    Wow…what a life altering story.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
    Yes…the purpose is to warn teens of underage drinking.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    Anyone who has touched alcohol

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

    Anyone who has drank, or plans on drinking in the future…greatly college students.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. this is a popular issue, and many college age adults binge drink

    b. the dangers of alcohol are widely denied

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

    To show what happens when binge drinking, and to tell a heart-breaking story

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
    yes

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES NO yes Par. 5 YES NO yes
    Par. 2 YES NO yes Par. 6 YES NO yes
    Par. 3 YES NO yes Par. 7 YES NO yes
    Par. 4 YES NO yes Par. 8 YES NO yes

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

    Yes, the setting, characters, and the situation was very clear.

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
    Yes, it is a very interesting story

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

    yes

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
    yes…the information is very understandable, and anyone who reads this will get the point

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
    List terms that need to be defined here:
    Yes, everything was clear and explained well.

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
    I think they were all great

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?
    No one-her self

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
    First hand experience

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
    none

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
    no

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO yes
    b. Present the thesis? YES NO yes
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO yes
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO yes
    b Provide something new to think about? YES NO yes
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO yes
    d. Comments: great essay

  8. sbdennehy said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name: Alex Peer’s name: Sara

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here. I liked it, but there are a few grammatical errors that should be fixed.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES What do you see as that purpose? Letting others know about underage drinking and how dangerous it can be

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay? High School Students

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject? High School Students. It is appropriate for them to know the consequences of their actions.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. the effects of underage drinking

    b. effects with parents when you do something wrong

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
    Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? I think that the topic has been covered well. I think maybe there could be a bit more description. I understand the story, but I can’t really see it.

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    YES

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? I am not sure about the paragraph number, but maybe more description of when Taylor was in the hospital

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? YES
    b. Present the thesis? YES
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b Provide something new to think about? YES
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d. Comments:

  9. chrbro said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name: Alex Peer’s name: Christie

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

    I felt bad because being scared for your friends is the worst.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES

    What do you see as that purpose?

    I see the purpose as trying to show people how things can go wrong no matter who you are and that you should always be responsible and think twice.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    I think both parents and children alike could benefit from this story, mainly teenagers.

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

    It’s directed towards teenagers because that’s who is involved in the story.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. Taylor was my best friend since 7th grade and we were planning a trip to Boston to visit our friends and tonight was the night both of us were going to ask our mothers if we could go.

    b. Now, we are closer than ever, we both like to look back on “The Boston Event” as a learning experience.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

    Things can happen when you least expect it and test your friendship.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
    Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

    Yes. She did a good job of describing all the characters and explaining who they were. From the mothers, Taylor, and her Boston friend Modi.

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting?
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    YES

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

    The story is pretty straight forward and easy to follow.

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? YES
    b. Present the thesis? NO
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b Provide something new to think about? YES
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d. Comments:
    The reflection at the end is good because it shows how it affected her and where their friendship is now.

  10. Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name _____Alex__ Peer’s name _______Natoya___________

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
    This was all to familiar, I could relate with her on the whole chain of events and understood how she felt because I’ve been in a similar situation.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES What do you see as that purpose?
    The purpose is to warn people about what can happen in these types of situations.

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
    I think high school kids would be interested in this essay.

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
    I think it is directed to the students and it is very appropriate.

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. “We both gave each other the same haughty look and snickered because we knew there would be drinking going on that weekend. We had experimented with alcohol before in high school so we did not think anything was going to go wrong.”

    b. She described how scared she was in that situation.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
    The main point is not to drink alcohol when your under age.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
    Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
    Yes

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    YES If not, explain here:

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?
    Herself

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
    It was her experience,

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
    Yes

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? YES
    b. Present the thesis? YES
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b Provide something new to think about? YES
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d. Comments:

  11. marie129 said

    Written Peer Response

    Essay writer’s name______Alex_______ Peer’s name_____Marie_______

    Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

    *1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

    While reading I thought right away that I have a friend like Taylor, however drinking has gotten the best of her and we have stopped talking to eachother. I really liked the way she wrote this paper, I felt like I was there experiencing it as well.

    2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
    YES What do you see as that purpose?
    Remembering an event

    She was sharing her story about going to a college away from home

    *3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

    Definitely not parents!!!!!

    4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

    People who have experienced this before but like I said…don’t let parents read this! hehe

    5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

    a. From there almost everything is a blur to me because of my state of intoxication, but I do remember losing my purse, my phone, my glasses, crying hysterically and seeing my best friend ever wheeled out on a stretcher and being taken to the hospital

    b. Our friendship has struggled since the incident which was exactly a year ago two weeks ago but we are now getting back on track. We will always love each other which is the beautiful thing about our friendship. Now, we are closer than ever, we both like to look back on “The Boston Event” as a learning experience.

    *6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

    . Now, we are closer than ever, we both like to look back on “The Boston Event” as a learning experience.

    Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

    *7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
    Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
    Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
    Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
    Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

    *8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

    *9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

    a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES SOMEWHAT
    Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

    b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
    YES UNSURE If not, explain here:

    c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

    d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
    List terms that need to be defined here:

    10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
    Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

    *11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

    a. What person or persons were interviewed?

    b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

    c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

    d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

    12. Does the introduction
    a. Get readers’ attention? YES
    b. Present the thesis? YES
    c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
    d. Comments:

    13. Does the conclusion
    a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
    b Provide something new to think about? YES
    c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
    d. Comments:

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: